what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
