Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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