What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
