Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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