youre lurking in front of me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
