The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
