dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
