I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
