You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
