Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
