I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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