there's paper in my vomit.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
