please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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