I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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