I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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