I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
