I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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