Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
