i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
