So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
