Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
