Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
