You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
