Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
