I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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