You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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