The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
