he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
