If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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