It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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