im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
