Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
