Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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