i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
