I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
