nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
