you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize