The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
