you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
