you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
drinking out of a sandbucket again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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