he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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