Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Be still, my beating vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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