Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
