Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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