I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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