Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
