They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
