Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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