i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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