True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize