he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
