Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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