***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
