Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
