I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
