I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
