I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
