So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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