I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
