the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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