I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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