you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
