you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you would pick up someone in the library
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
