I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
