He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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